First thing first to all ! HAPPY NEW YR 09 to all! Hope all of you will have full of surprises & everything go smoothly ! :D Carry on with a big smile & all the best in ur studies & career & marriage !

Secondly , Thanks to all those friends that showed me concerns and cares. Really apperciate it alot, you guys are the best , nice friends i had made ! Really thanks alot, & sorry Ronald for spoiling the fun of urs. I'm really sorry !

Thirdly , i'm feeling better , got a scolding frm jiaxin , i consumed too much alcohol , & i'm having a mild headache now , last time , when i have bit of headache or cough , she will ask me to go and slp and showed me concern, but now ? Hais , forget it

Forthly , i will talk about today .

I was in total no mood this morning , asked me sister to help me buy alcohol & i consumed it . Sorrry jiaxin and friends to make you guys worry so much . Coz i'm totally at wits end & really damn depressed . I still want to consumed alcohol currently , but i had promised jiaxin & friends that i wouldn't , BUDDEN! I really want to. Hais.

Met up with ronald, honghock, han xiang, kian sing qunkai at bugis mrt , walked around bugis & they wanted to buy their sch schoes , in the end, they didn't get any. =.= . i was not in the mood at all , and i was damn quiet , & not like before , which is soo talkative & crazy!

We went to the arcade & i texted her a msg . I asked her if she really wants to havea break up , she replied , idk . I asked her do you stilll love me a lil ? She said she do . My mood started to change a lil , but still kinda moody .

Around 6plus, we trained dwn to vivo, at that moment , i really wanted to go back hme, coz i knw i'm not totally in for countdown at all , coz i won't have the mood & i won't go crazy nor high at all .

I decided to go , not to spoil the fun of theirs, we walked around , & we had loose contact of each other & some were missing & we were disperse in the crowd, tried finding them , but its futile. We walked around , went to sky park . The moment i went to skypark , happy memories came into my mind , the place I & her sat together , we took pictures , she took my candid pictures, she hugged me . BUt , all these happy memories seems can't be put together in a puzzle .

We went to had some tibits buying ltr & we proceeded to skypark again for the countdown . It was totally fucking packed with sardines & we hardly squeezed in and even see the stage clearly. Well , we found a spot and sat dwn. My mood started to change again . When i received sms from her . Want to knw wad sms are they? I will share with you guys now .

Her: I'm sorry, pls stop consuming alcohol & be like before your crazy old self , can ?
Me: I will , unless we can go back like before. Can we ?
Her: We can only be friends and not together .
( the moment i saw this , i'm totally hurt )
Me : How come ? Is it you have feelings for other guys ?
Her : I don't knw if i do .
Me: Just bcoz of a guy , our relationship became like this ? Do you think its worth it ? I do still love you alot.
Me: Hw come it will become like this ? Its such a sudden change , i'm really hurt do you knw that ? SO now , you want a break up ?
(Left my friends , walking to mrt and my hp dropped, fuck shit man!)
Her: Kinda , sorry
Me: Do you think , by apologising it can heal my wound ? I'm really extremely hurt . Can you don't be like this ? Am i that bad ?
(She did not reply)
Me : You think how many % we can be back together ? Pls don't tell me don't knw , i'm sick of it .
Her: When i knw , i will tell you
Me: But you told me before tat, once you break up , you wouldn't want a patch back right ?
Her: I might .
Me : Okay , i will be waiting for your answer .
( Did not smsed her till 12am struck & i called her , i'm really glad she answered the call , i wanted to talk to her longer , but does she want ? I doubt so , usually at this time . 1am ++ we are talking over the phone ,yet now ? Hais )

Once i reached hme , i carried a fake smile on my face , so that my parents wouldn't questioned me why i'm so moody & all . Its really hard to carry a fake smile , coz the hurt thr isn't pain , but EXTREMELY PAIN. I'm having wild thoughts & the happy moments again , this is really a big sereve blow to me . I want to consumed alcohol again. Hais . Sorry friends, the old ongyaochong , wouldn't be back that soon , he needs time to adapt it . His totally hurt & had a breakdown .

I really miss the calles you called me & the smses you texted me
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TAG REPLIES
Liling: Thanks! HNY!

Farmy: Changed ur blogsong alr. HNY!

Siying: We can't anymore, yours shld last long! HNY!

Sylvia: When i have the mood to do so ? Sorry. HNY!

Ruijia : Okay, i will try my very best alright ? Thanks for all the advices! HNY!

Camy : Alright , i try my best okay , but i really can't stop myself from consuming alcohol , thats the only thing i can do .HNY!

Sandy: I will try my best alright ? HNY!

Eunice: Don't worry, i won't do anything foolish & i will try my best not to consume anymore alcohol okay? HNY!

Elain : Okay, i will stop myself from having wild thoughts, thanks alot friend. HNY!

Shirley: Alright , i will try my best! Thanks alot. HNY!

Hafizah: I will be strong , when the old ongyaochong is back alright ? Thanks for your concerns. & I won't do anything foolish ! HNY!

Farmy: Don't worry , i won't do anything foolish at all , & drinking alcohol is the only way i can make myself better , why not ? & if thrs smth , no worries, i will let you knw alright? Thanks best friend! HNY!

Cheryl: Can you pls stop apologising to me!? Its not ur fault . I don't want you to self-reproach yourself alright ? I love you . HNY!

Evan: Linked! HNY!

Sengyang : HNY too! Thanks for all those advices.

Labels: Missing your calls and smses

Thursday, January 01, 2009